I'll Mature When I'm Dead

The new Dave Barry book, I'll Mature When I'm Dead, was on a shelf at the library, so I picked it up. And I tell you, I laughed three times throughout the whole book, which is an astonishingly low number for me. Barry is old and his jokes aren't funny anymore, which is a disappointment.

How old he is seems to be something he's showing off, with a standard rant about the narcissism of Twitter and Facebook and how he doesn't know how to use "newfangled" gadgets:
"I turn on the programmable coffeemaker, which I hope that someday, perhaps by attending community college, I will learn to program. Then I take a breakfast 'sausage' made of processed tofu from the freezer and pop it into the microwave oven, which in seconds converts it from a frozen, unappetizing gray cylinder into a piping hot unappetizing gray cylinder."
Is there anything more dull than hearing about how an old person can't work technology and has to eat tasteless food? I don't think so...unless it's hearing about an old person's medical procedures. That's right, there's an essay in this collection about Barry's colonoscopy. No kidding.

The only part I laughed at is the Twilight parody, and if you've seen my sidebar with the various bits of Twilight commentary, you can tell that I'm easily amused by any and all attempts to make fun of that book and its sequels. Still, despite the lame title (Fangs of Endearment), I found in the first-person narrative of this parody a glimmer of the humor that Barry used to be able to knock off, seemingly without effort:
"Phil swooped me into his arms using the super vampire strength that he has in addition to his super vampire speed and his ability to read minds, perform complex mathematical calculations in his head, assemble a working nuclear submarine entirely from clock parts, and recite all the lyrics to Guys and Dolls backward."

The part that made me laugh out loud was when the werewolf came in:
"He looked at me with his dark lanky eyes, and for a moment I saw in his expression the thoughtful and caring young man with whom I had shared so many emotional moments in the previous book without ever actually doing it. Suddenly his expression changed to one of dark foreboding. 'If you go out in the woods today,' he whispered hoarsely, 'you better not go alone.'"

That passage, I thought, went a ways towards redeeming the time I spent on the boring rest of the book. The Teddy Bear's Picnic! That's a touch of the old Barry magic.

What's your favorite Dave Barry piece? Does anyone like anything in this new book, besides the Twilight parody?